The Trophy Wife... (more trophy, less wife)

I've been dealing with this horrible cough for the past 3 weeks or so. You know the kind... the one which flares at exactly the wrong moments: during emotional prayer times, important phone calls, heart-to-hearts with friends. I'm not one to get sick often, so it's been pretty irritating for me to deal with! So, in hopes of shaking it quickly, I went with my roomie one night to the gym with the sole purpose of sitting in the sauna. I had tried everything else... I thought perhaps sweating it out of my lungs would work!

One of the side effects of this horrible sickness is lack of energy. So, a simple walk out of the house and into the steamy sauna was enough to make me collapse on the floor. My long frame, laying there fully clothed, like a limp rag doll must have been some sight. A few minutes later, through the foggy steam, a man came in and, through the haze, worriedly asked if I was ok. I assured him I was, I just liked my mouth being close to the steam... I needed some major zap to my lungs!

We began chatting about superficial things, and the more we talked, the more uncomfortable I became. He told of his upcoming travels to Austria and Russia, and when I asked him the nature of his visit, his simple reply was 'uhhh... it's complicated.' Now THAT caught my attention. Was he a real-life version of Jason Bourne? A member of the FBI, traveling all around the world ensuring the safety of this country? Thankfully, we were not alone in the room, but regardless, I wanted out. So, at my first opportunity, I made my escape to the women's locker room.

I made the decision then and there to go into the dry sauna, simply to get away from this man. Unbeknownced to me, however, he had gone into the pool, awaiting my arrival back into the area in hopes to continue our conversation. As I closed the dry sauna door, I breathed a sigh of relief to finally be alone, able to relax. That relief was soon short-lived, for I then watched him, through the glass in the door, enter out of the pool, and follow me into the room! As he walked in, he immediately started to pour out his life story, the wife of 25 years leaving him, his desire for a 'good Christian girl' to enter his life and fill an impending void, his experiences with others he had dated... almost like I was the interview-ee, and him the interviewer... but the problem was, there was NO WAY I wanted the position!

Then, came the real reason for his trip overseas: speed dating. It followed the format as we are familiar with, but the difference is... after the 30 seconds of convo, he would choose his bride. His house was large, he informed me, so there was plenty of room for the ones with kids, those who usually were left behind. Through all these words, there was always an underlying hint that I may be able to be the 'good Christian girl' who would be able to save him the time and effort of a long ride on an airplane... and I could be the lucky one to move into his large house and make him happy.

It all sounded very much like an episode of 'Dr. Phil.'

Thankfully, before he had a chance to officially get on one knee, I was relieved to see my roommate through the plated glass, and I hurried out to meet her. With a quick goodbye and goodluck to the man, and a panicked look at Hannah, I pretty much ran out of the pool room.

Moral of the story: even bad coughs are not worth trips into the sauna. Next time, I'll wear my fake wedding ring and act like I speak another language.